i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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