I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
