i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
