I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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