Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
