you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
