I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
