I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
