Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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