So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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