remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
