my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
why do cheetos always look like penises
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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