My nipple is on Facebook.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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