At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
