Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
