Plan B is the new Plan A
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
i think im in europe. pls send help
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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