i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
