I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
