It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
