He asked to "fluff my boner.."
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
i out mim tonsoeep
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
