That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i already hear my dad disowning me
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize