Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
