Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
then he tried to convert me to islam
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
