I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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