Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize