Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
