Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
