I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
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