Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
