I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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