My friends, they love my intelligence
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Randomize
