coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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