Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
