my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
