I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I currently don't understand fingers.
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