I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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