Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
