i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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