I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
When are your genitals available?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
