ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
