kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I am never drinking with the goths again.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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