True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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