Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
