Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Panties = found
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