I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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