i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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