Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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