A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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