"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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