Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
