No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
My dick has a subreddit
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
