theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
