i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
