I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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