I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize