He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
