I'm eating all of the evidence.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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