we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
