Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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