i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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