Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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