Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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