Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
