I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
