I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
