Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
