just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
