I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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