I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
operation have a gay friend backfired
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize