Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
