I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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