I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
