Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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