These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
