It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
