i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
