I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Randomize
