Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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