Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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