Are we in a gay sports bar?
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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