I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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