fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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