mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
