the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
