he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
we're so committed to being not committed
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
