just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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