I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize