Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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