i don't plan on having that self control this summer
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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