toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
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