The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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