To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
