I wish I could punch you in the face.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Randomize