I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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