I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
