he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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