Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
