my phone needs a breathalizer
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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