...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
