just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
