Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
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