Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
