walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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