It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
