where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
