they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
