whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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