Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
