Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
